


You can still take my hand

by TellmesomethingIdontknow_88



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Compliant, Compromise, Conflict Resolution, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Lets pretend TROS never happend, Love starved Kylo Ren, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Solo, Rey isnt always so damn feisty, Rey just wants to be enough for someone, So just kiss already, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Super angsty, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, The Force Ships It, You love each other you dum dums, this is how it should have gone, well mostly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:35:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24681658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellmesomethingIdontknow_88/pseuds/TellmesomethingIdontknow_88
Summary: Months after the events on Crait, Rey goes back to Ahch-To to feel closer to Luke now that he's gone, but is only faced with memories she'd rather not remember... especially about Kylo Ren, memories that rouse feelings she shouldn't have towards him. What if she had taken his hand like she'd wanted to?Then, suddenly they are connected again and, for once, Rey tells the truth about how she feels.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey/Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 15
Kudos: 60
Collections: Star Wars





	You can still take my hand

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, so here's a one shot of what could have happened after TLJ if Rey and Kylo actually put aside their stupid pride and admitted their real thoughts and feelings. Very angsty, but there is, of course, an HEA :D
> 
> Also, very brief reference to Jane Eyre when Rey hears Kylo whisper her name lol, couldn't help myself.
> 
> If you haven't already, please check out my other work (written with my hubby), Past the point of no return. Love you all! <3 <3

* * *

Rey stared at the stone hut in front of her. If wishful thinking could have raised Master Luke from the dead, the strength of Rey’s wishes would have done so. As it was, she looked sadly at what had once been his hut, on an island that had become his resting place. It had made sense to come back here at first, training with Leia had helped her and sharpened her abilities but it could not take away the ache in her heart. If she had to be perfectly honest with herself, the ache wasn’t only accredited to Luke’s passing… she missed Kylo Ren or Ben Solo or whoever the hell he really was. She hated to admit it to even just herself. She blamed him for Luke’s death, although she equally blamed herself. If she had only taken Kylo’s hand in the throne room then the battle of Crait would never have taken place. Luke would still be here, grumpy and miserable, but unmistakably alive. Perhaps, if she had taken Kylo’s hand, she could have convinced Kylo to turn, or at the very least gained intel from the inside to feed to the Resistance. She had meant to take his hand, she had wanted to feel his fingers close about hers but as she had reached out to accept him, at the last minute, something inside her had seemed to snap and of its own accord her body had pulled Luke’s lightsaber to her. She shook her head roughly, trying to shake off the thoughts that dogged her. She turned away from Luke’s hut and went to another empty hut to lay down her things.

Leia had tried to talk sense into her about coming here. Poe and Finn had tried cheering her up with jokes and bawdy songs, which usually earned a quick laugh or at least an eye roll from Rey, but things had changed in the months since Crait. Rey had not been there to help them, to give them a chance to escape the way Luke had done. And then, she had closed the door, literally and figuratively, on the only man in the galaxy who really seemed to understand her. It had been so lonely without their stilted, passive aggressive conversations. Hadn’t she wished that their minds had never been bridged? That he would leave her alone? Now, she knew it had been hollow. She was truly alone, the last Jedi. He was her opposite but also her equal in power, something only they shared.

She laid her things down and left the hut to climb the windy hill that Luke had done every day of the years that he had made this forsaken backwater island his home. As she reached the top, the sun came out and warmed her face while the wind played with her tendrils. She found the place where she had sat that day when Luke began to show her how to use the Force. She looked around as if in a trance, glancing at the boulders strewn beside the worn pathway against the grassy hill and back out at the endless ocean. The island was bursting at the seams with memories that Rey didn’t want to remember. It had been a mistake to come here, she thought bitterly. Of course she had come here to feel closer to Luke, but this was also where she and Kylo Ren had touched hands, where she had seen another future for him. She remembered the soft warmth of his fingers as they slid against hers over the fire, she didn’t want to remember the reflecting warmth she had felt in the pit of her stomach, and the answering warmth and something more in Kylo’s over expressive eyes. She had sometimes wondered if he had wanted to kiss her in the Turbolift en route to the throne room. He had allowed her to stand so close, and she had seen him look down at her mouth, just as she had darted a tentative glance to his. But he hadn’t kissed her, just like she hadn’t taken his hand. The bond between them had been closed for so long, Rey didn’t know if it had been broken that day on Crait or if they were both somehow blocking it.

“Rey,” Kylo whispered in her mind. She whipped around, searching for him. Nothing, nothing but the empty wind.

“Where are you?!” She cried out to the sky above her. There was no answer. She sat down in the soft mossy grass, completely frustrated and defeated. Why did she miss him? He was a monster! Why did the idea of him saying her name still fill her with hope? Tears formed and she let them roll down her face, leaving a cold trail as the wind tried to dry them. She closed her eyes and ran her hands through the short tufts of grass. She opened herself to the Force the way Luke had taught her, she allowed feelings to course through her, not taking time to examine them or shove them down. The grief, anger and loneliness bubbled up and she found herself saying softly through her tears, “I just want to be free of this pain!” Unaware of how eerily her words mirrored those her equal had once said. Something was coming, Rey felt it through the Force, almost like a million small pinpricks of light picking at a dark canvas. Something seemed to slot into place.

“Rey,” Kylo said coldly, almost disapprovingly.

This time she could not have imagined it. She opened her eyes to a cold and bored look from the one she had secretly wished to see. He didn’t seem to have wanted the same thing at all.

“You know, as Supreme Leader, I have much more important things to do than _chat_ ,” he began in the same brittle tone, “I thought the Force had decided to stop connecting us, or that we actually managed to close this blasted connection.” His eyes pierced hers as he looked down on her haughtily. Rey stood, unwilling to give him any more time to look down on her.

“Why?” It was the only thing she could think to say, then her brain seemed to reboot itself, “Why did you attack them, Ben?” she said trying to sound angrier and harder than she actually did.

“I should think that was obvious. They’re my enemy. You chose _them_ ” he spat out, “so that makes you my enemy too!”

An angry retort was on Rey’s lips when suddenly she felt so tired, so old. Nothing she could say would turn him, nothing would make him see logic or do what was right. Nothing he could say would convince her he was right, nothing would turn her to the dark side. They would keep to their predetermined battle lines and spend eternity reinforcing them, fighting until one or both of them died. She balled her fists and pressed them hard into her eyes, trying to staunch the tears that threatened. 

“What’s this? A show of emotion. That won’t sway me, scavenger!” Kylo said harsher than he meant to. Of course it had been a shock to connect to Rey again, to see her beautiful face looking up at him with such _hope_. She had obviously hoped for Luke’s Force Ghost to appear to her since she was back on his blasted island again... but instead Kylo had appeared and he knew that look was not for him. She had already rejected him. He couldn’t bear to see her, it hurt and angered him – oh, how he wanted to hurt her, make her beg, make her apologise… make her say his name again.

Rey took her fists away from her eyes and leaned against a large boulder behind her. The tears ran down her face once again. “I can’t do this anymore, Ben” she said simply. “I’m so tired!” she added raggedly. She didn’t care anymore what she said, he didn’t care either way. He would walk away from this encounter and forget about her until they encountered one another in battle again, she was a scavenger girl, a nothing to him.

“I’m so tired of always being used! The Resistance want me for my abilities in the Force, you offered me the galaxy for the same reason,” Kylo seemed to shift agitatedly at this, but she continued, her voice growing louder and louder, “I wish my parents hadn’t abandoned me! I wish I had never discovered the Force! I wish I lived somewhere quiet and beautiful! I wish I had a family! I wish I had someone who loved me - _truly_ loved me!” At this she struck her chest angrily with a closed fist as her angst reached its crescendo. “But it’s all just wishes. None of it will ever be true, not for me,” she bowed her head, “I wish I’d never been born” she said slowly, no longer yelling.

Kylo moved to stand in front of her, she didn’t move away. Her voice dropped to a whisper now and she closed her eyes, “Most of all, I wish I had taken your hand.”

“It’s not too late, Rey,” He said deceptively softly. His heart hammered in his chest. She wanted to take his hand! Kriff! She wanted to take his hand! He was trembling. “You can still take my hand…”

“You don’t get it, Ben” she said sadly, looking up at him.

His heart seemed to stop in his chest. Had he misunderstood? Stupid, foolish, weak idiot! He berated himself for even allowing himself to hope.

“I don’t want to rule the galaxy, I never did,” she said, “If I took your hand, you’d use me for my abilities, like everyone else… and I don’t think I could survive that.” Kylo’s eyes bored into hers, she was afraid that he would condemn her for her emotion. Silence hovered between them for a moment, then she added, “I still hope that you’ll turn. I wish I didn’t, but I can’t help it. If I took your hand it would be because I’m taking Ben Solo’s hand, not Kylo Ren’s” she could feel the anger radiating off him, she should stop, but it was like a bottle had been uncorked and she couldn’t stop herself from saying, “Ben Solo would care about me, care _for_ me… he’d care what happens to me. Maybe he’d even…” She shouldn’t say this. Not to Kylo Ren, not to anybody for that matter, but she had gone too far to go back now, “M-maybe he’d love me…” 

She looked away, humiliated, the tears coming thick and fast now. Her vision was completely blurred, which meant that she didn’t see it coming. His large hand came up to pull her face back to his and suddenly his lips were on hers. She gasped in surprise, opening her mouth to him. He didn’t waste the opportunity to slide his tongue into her mouth and against her own tongue. She’d never kissed anyone before… in response to this thought, Kylo growled into her mouth, pulling her flush to his chest as he deepened the kiss. Rey’s thoughts grew hazy, her body responding to him without her even willing it, her arms winding around his strong neck. They stood like that for a long time, their kiss alternating between open mouthed hard passion and small, tender kisses to each other’s lips. Eventually Kylo pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. Then, almost gruffly, he said, “Kylo Ren can do all those things too, Rey.”

She had no words. She pulled back from him. She was so afraid to believe him, afraid that he was going to use her, that he was using her feelings against her.

“No. Rey… never. I offered you my hand… and yes, the galaxy too because we could do so much together - but I offered you my hand for me.” He sighed, “When you rejected me and called your lightsaber to hand… it was like that night with Luke all over again. You didn’t want me. You didn’t love me. You wanted to kill me. It roused all of the old hurts and I’ve been so angry with you, Rey!” She felt him shaking against her and she saw the wild hurt in his eyes. She leaned forward and nuzzled her face gently to and fro against his jaw and cheek, silently soothing him.

“I’m so sorry, Ben!” she murmured against his skin, “I wish I could take it all back!” She brought her mouth to his and they kissed again, then Kylo put his arms around her and she tucked her head into his neck, craving his warmth. “Ben…”

“Mmmm” he breathed into her hair.

“Come take me home. I’ll show you where I am,” she felt his heart begin to thud beneath her.

“Rey - I can’t be who you want me to be! If I take you with me, then you get all of me, the parts you hate too…”

“I don’t hate any part of you. That’s the confusing part. I know I should, but I’ve never been able to hate you,” she interrupted.

“You don’t agree with my ideas, my plan for the galaxy. You won’t help me, Rey,” he said in a faintly accusatory tone.

“No, I don’t agree, but I don’t want to be apart anymore. Doesn’t this feel right to you? Can’t _I_ be enough for you?” It went unspoken that she just wanted to be enough for someone, she didn’t have to say it out loud for him to hear it.

“You wouldn’t try to stop me?” He said cautiously.

“No.” Rey sighed. “But there is a deal breaker…” she pulled away again to look up at him. He waited, steeling himself for the inevitable rejection. She took his face in both her hands, looking him in the eyes, “You can’t go after or hurt anybody I care about.”

Kylo moved away and walked angrily to the edge of the cliff, “Rey…! Your idiotic friends would try to stop me. How could I not do something about that?!” He said, thoroughly irritated. She might as well have directly rejected him. She was asking the impossible.

“I could speak to them. I dunno if it would hold much water, me having gone to _be with you_ and all. But there’s your mother…” Kylo grimaced. “She still loves you, you know. She never stopped hoping that you would come back to her. I know this wouldn’t be like that… but, she would try to help you, that is unless you keep killing innocents to create this so called new order to the galaxy.”

“Death is a part of life, Rey. But they wouldn’t be innocents - those who continue to ensure the current corruption that infects the galaxy must be removed for there to be balance. Don’t you see, Rey? Even in the days of the Senate, the Jedi were too weak and obsessed with their rules, regulations and their light and their kriffing midochlorian counts to notice the injustices and corruption happening right under their noses! How do you think slavery under the likes of Unkar Plutt was allowed to grow?!” Rey shuddered as if he had hit her. She realised he was right. The injustices had grown steadily out of hand and she had experienced it first-hand.

“Y-you’re right,” she said thoughtfully. Whatever else he had been about to say died on his lips. “But I still won’t help you or stop you. My terms stand, Ben,” She walked over to him and laid a hand on his chest, smoothing his outer coat, “you can’t hurt anyone I care about. I wouldn’t be able to forgive you for that, not ever. Find a way, speak to your mother or don’t, but I know that if you were determined to, you would do this – for me,” she dared to look him in the eye to see if he would stubbornly refuse. There was no way to break a stalemate between them, this she had come to know more than anything else.

“Okay,” he replied shakily, not sure that he could keep this promise, but with everything in him he wanted to try. “If I knew you wouldn’t leave me… if you really cared about me and weren’t somehow trying to help your stupid rebellion then I would do so much more than that for you, Rey” he said sombrely, his expression so much like that of a scared child. Rey knew the gift that he was giving her, and also that this meant there was still hope for him – not for the sake of the Resistance, but for the sake of the man she loved. Stars but she loved him. She shouldn’t, given what he’d once done to her, what she had seen him capable of, what had happened between them, but it was such a relief to give in to her feelings.

“You shouldn’t love me,” he whispered brokenly, tears forming in his eyes.

“Can’t help it,” she shrugged, and smiled at him, reaching up to cradle his cheek. He didn’t deserve her love. She was too good for him. He’d wanted her, oh, how he had wanted her, but he had never allowed himself to expect _this_ from her. He’d always known he was beyond love but now… this.

“Everyone deserves love, Ben, even you” Rey responded firmly to his thoughts.

“I’ve loved you for so long. I think I’ve loved you all my life, Rey” he said simply, leaning into her hand. “There it is. You could ruin me with that knowledge. Destroy my heart and soul…”

“But I won’t.” Rey replied, “We’ve both needed someone to love and care for us… the Force brought us together, it knew how much we needed each other. Take my hand, Ben, let me show you where I am…” she pleaded.

She held her hand between them, and he took it unwaveringly as she showed him how to get to her.

“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart,” he said, kissing her longingly one last time before cutting the connection.

Rey looked at the ocean that glimmered and winked at her from below and felt a strong and unshakable peace. “I’m finally going home” she said to the wind and the sky, then she whirled around and practically ran down the worn pathway to await her soulmate. 


End file.
